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Some ways to cope with an uncertain future.
As it becomes more and more obvious that things are not ‘going back to normal’ any time soon, all of us find ourselves facing an uncertain future. Perhaps the first thing is to recognise that none of us ever have the kind of certainty or control over our lives that we...
How to stop taking things so personally.
The misery that many of us cause ourselves by worrying about what other people think and how they will react is largely avoidable. We need to stop taking things so personally.
Toxic positivity, toxic negativity, and how to avoid them.
It’s toxic when we tell ourselves that we should always ‘be positive’ because the feelings don’t go away because we’re denying them. Instead they build up underneath, ready to come squirting out at a later date or time.
Why you don’t need ‘self-improvement’.
I hate the term self-improvement. Even the term personal development is slightly dodgy, though I use it for want of anything better. Why do I resist these terms? Because you don’t ever need to improve yourself. You are just fine. Any problems you are encountering are...
How to escape the second arrow
You can’t really choose what you feel. Not if we’re talking about that lightning fast automatic reaction. That’s part of the wiring we have set up to survive. What we can do, however, is to not take the ball and run with it.
Locus of control and why it’s important.
To what extent do you believe that your fate is in your own hands? If you go for a job interview, do you believe that the result is largely a matter of luck or the interviewer’s mood on the day, or does it depend more heavily on the preparation you did, and of course...
Stepping off the hedonic treadmill.
‘Once I get this new job, earn more money, find a partner, lose a stone, move house…I’ll be so much happier.’ And you are, for a while at least. But somehow the extra happiness doesn’t last, and we start looking for the next thing that will bring us happiness. That’s what is known as the hedonic treadmill.
Inner trolls and outer trolls
The inner troll is that nasty voice in your head that criticises you, whispers that other people will be judging you, and encourages you to give up on your good intentions. We all have one, though some people’s are nastier and louder than others. I’ve written...
What can I give myself right now?
We all know that being kind and generous to others makes us feel good. But how often are we similarly giving and nurturing to ourselves? More often than not we treat ourselves in a way we would never dream of doing to anyone else. When I ask, ‘What can I give myself...
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